It was just another average day on Wall Street. Manhattan was pushing along with average daily business, as it always does. New York’s economy was as prosperous and as peaceful as ever. Then, one Wednesday afternoon, the most hectic time of the week, the main computer crashed. When the technician went to find a problem, he found a sparking, broken power cord. He quickly searched for a replacement cable, and the problem was fixed.
Two days later, the same thing happened, but this time, the technician found small clumps of what looked like raisins trailing throughout the room. He knew just what to do. He placed some rat traps out, and slowly waited, but nothing happened. The pests attacked for weeks, biting and chewing their way through wires, shutting down computer after computer throughout the entire building. It took days to repair each and every wire that was destroyed, and once they were fixed, the rats attacked again. Not a single rat-catcher helped the entire time. A species that once destroyed an entire population of humans with diseases was attacking human dignity again, so close to destroying America’s economy.
So, the technician slowly lost hope and he couldn’t waste anymore time. He decided that it was time to call in a pest-controller. Before he knew it, a slightly overweight, prematurely balding rat-killer who still lives with his mother comes strolling in the door. With a few roach spray bottles and mice traps wrapped around his waist, he quickly said, “I hear you have a rat problem. But there’s no need to worry, I’ve dealt with rodents bigger than housecats before. I can handle any problem.”
The technician praised him for being for being so confident. He had heard of this man’s reputation, the one they call Beowulf, how he once challenged his own brother to a competition wrestling alligators in the city sewer. He had not only killed an alligator to save himself, but rescued his brother from the clenching jaw of another alligator. He knew that the rats would be no problem to Beowulf. That night Beowulf plotted out his attack, meticulously placing the rat traps, and waiting for the sun to rise and the rats to emerge from their holes. As he waited, others watched, trying to decipher each individual move, but no one understood the great hero.
An hour before dawn, one by one the rats emerged, but Beowulf did not move. He watched as they slowly devoured a chunk of the first wire and slowly approached the next. Suddenly, Beowulf pounced like a cat, grabbing half of the pack by their tales with one hand, and the rest with the other hand. Two escaped, but ran directly into the rat traps, facing sudden death. Beowulf immediately knocked the rest unconscious, and began to squeeze them in his hands. He showed no mercy to the pestilent rodents and his job was quickly done.
The technician was in shock of such a victory. He gave Beowulf his well earned pay with extra for the handy cleanup. Before the technician could fully thank him for his help, Beowulf had disappeared, as if by magic. He quickly fixed the remaining wires, and the computers were back up in no time. The stock market was fully functioning again without a single threat to the American economy ever again.
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